Living Simply… Parenting by Instinct

My first midwife appointment was on the 11th of November. I’m still not sure about my midwife. She ordered a bunch of blood and urine tests that I feel are unnecessary and I’m not going to do. I still may UC but hubby is unsure. Hard for him to shake that medicalized view of birth. Wish me luck!

So I just found out that my little sister who is due right around the same time as me (June 2009) is expecting twins!!! I’m so excited I think its so cool!!!

So Harper is again our fearless leader. Can’t say I’m surprised. Although, I must admit I am growing increasingly dissatisfied with the first past the post system. I’m beginning to doubt that this system can ever adequately represent the "will of the people".

 

This post is going to be all over the place and just a record of things I’ve been doing and things I’ve been thinking.

We’ve moved in and I’m happy b/c we’re all unpacked. Our mail is forwarded, our addresses changed on all our cards, our woodstove is working and the kids are moderately less cranky.

I’m definitely pregnant again. Xander and baby 3 will only be 15 months apart. This one shows signs of sticking it out till the end so…

I’ve been reading Childbirth without Fear and its really striking a chord with me. I think back on Austin’s birth which was without a doubt painful, and then contrast it to Xander’s birth which was more overwhelming sensations as opposed to pain. I did request pain relief both times (Austin’s didn’t seem to do anything and Xander’s arrived too late) but looking back when I asked I had reached transition and was more looking for someone or something to make it stop then really wanting pain relief. I don’t know if this makes any sense but I will be more aware with this birth that once I reach the overwhelming point to remember the baby is most likely almost crowning and it won’t be much longer. After the crowning moment the feelings come back down to a point that I can handle again. 

I came across a site today: www.savetheplasticbag.com; and may I just say "wow" I cannot believe some people but again there are still people who deny climate change and even document historical events like the holocaust. I guess it takes all kinds. I just shake my head when he states that plastic is good because it doesn’t decompose and release gases into the environment. I guess by that logic all forests, gardens, and fields should be taken down and paved over? 

Anyway thats my disjointed rambling for today. 

 

I am experimenting with growing indoor vegetables and some fruits. So far I’m doing great. I have tomatoes plants, pepper plants, peas, beans, eggplant, onions, strawberries, blueberries, and tons of cucumber plants. This year is experiment year, so I snapped up all the seeds I could get my hands on and collected up containers. This is the year of "why not?". Thats what I say whenever Nic asks why I’m trying to grow ____ : "Why not?"

I’m so excited. I’ve never grown things before and everything is doing very well. I’m particularly pleased with my pepper plants and my blueberry (its only a little wee sprout but still; everyone said I’d never get it to grow). 

I even went online and bought a book from ebay for an exorbitant amount of money b/c books about indoor veggie growing seem to be very few and far between but its a pretty good book considering its age (almost 20 yrs). But really how much can change plant wise in that time; if anything there should be more hybrids that can weather container growing than when it was published. Although, the authour claims you can grow melons in containers inside… I’ll have to try that one out when I get some room on my plant table; its full to the brim right now.  

So our current building has had a serious flood in the lower apartments, and since the whole building is hooked up to the same plumbing line at the well, the whole building was without water for 60 hours. The landlady’s insurance company finally yelled at the plumbing company longer enough to get someone out here (with the additional nagging of my husband’s employer). Then they brought out a flood reconstruction company from nearby Kap. So far so good. But when they ripped out the roof and walls and found warped trusses, rotted floor boards, and shoddy construction. 

So we may be condemned. So on Monday night we went apartment hunting, and something amazing happened! We found it! The ideal place; the one that we’ve been looking for. Its a whole house for rent (well within our budget) with a basement, 3 bedrooms, wood furnace, in the country, with a shed. I’m so psyched but also overwhelmed because I hate moving. 

Then I find out we’re pregnant again. Kinda a surprise; Xander is only 7 months old but still a blessing. I just hope it sticks. I have a tendency to miscarry. I had a miscarriage in 2005, Austin in 2006, a miscarriage in 2007, Xander in 2008, and have just suffered another miscarriage two months ago. But this time I’m quite sick and I have never had morning sickness with any of my miscarried babies. 

Unschool Days: The Decision to Unschool

 This blog post brings up some very real very personal reasons that I feel unschooling best for Austin in particular. (Xander is too young yet to gauge his personality in this manner but I feel justified in postulating that he too will do best with unschooling.)

We attend a play group at the Ontario Early Years centre. It is designed for ages 0-6 yrs (after which it is assumed that they will attend school.) The daily program is a play group from 9:30 to 11:30 which follows a simple routine: free play then a 15-30 minute circle time (singing songs picked by a rolling dice all the kids take turns with and then a story read.) then usually a craft and then we proceed to the gym or the front play centre (a plastic playground like structure) all of which is inside.

This is a very long introduction to my main point which is quite simply this: my son doesn’t do well in structured activities. He prefers the free play, wishes to continue to play during the prescribed circle time and craft and hates the arbitary time limits ("Okay, now we’ll go to the gym"). Which is why we attend I want to provide him a few hours a week with the option of structured play (he rarely takes advantage but…) 

Okay, here’s the thing: in kindergarten and just school in general, he will be forced to abandon an activity whether or not he would like to and proceed to the next based on arbitrary time limits and this will drive him crazy and possibly force him to give up on learning in general. Like many kids he will succeed at homeschooling simply because if he would like to continue a topic or an activity for days he is free to do so. 

One of my favourite excepts from the above linked post:

"However, the winners and losers do have something in common. Neither will actually learn anything at Orange High School. The winners may memorize in order to regurgitate on a test, but their knowledge will be fragmented at best, and lacking in genuine understanding. Real learning cannot be forced upon a person. Real learning is the result of an urgent need to know. It is the result of passion. Passions cannot be dictated by curriculum. Passions arise through a natural exploration and engagement with the world, through freedom, choice, and responsibility.

Why are we so mistrustful of students? Why do we consider them entirely incapable of making real decisions? Why do we train them to defer to a higher authority in order to know what is valuable to learn?"

So yes, I am not intending to send my kids to formal school but this upsets me anyway. I have heard on CBC radio today about how formal schools in Ontario at least are demanding more and more fees from parents for things like: the privilege of taking part in organized sports, for some workbooks, and for field trips. This is so outrageous especially considering that even my homeschooling family is and will continue to be taxed for public schools. Where is all the money going to?? One mother even phoned in about how several kids had to miss a trip to the ROM (Royal Ontario Museum) due to lack of funds. This is unacceptable. Calling all formally schooling parents: Complain you should not have to pay all these extras for your child to take part fully in the school system.

This is a report I wrote for some relatives and never gave. I just wrote it to organize my thoughts.

There are many reasons to homeschool. These include:

v  Better quality education

v  Positive role models who are consistant with family values and beliefs

v  Good interpersonal skills

v  Practical life based skills and learning

v  Specialization

v  Equality

v  Free thought

v  Emphasis on learning to think and how to learn not just be taught

v  Lack of assessment culture which is irrelevant after formal schooling

Why Not Formal/Traditional School?

Homework:

Homework is one major reason why traditional schooling is failing our children. Homew ork is a useless concept: too much has been shown to lower acedemic performance and repetition only works if the concept is already solid and even then only 5 repetition is necessary to demonstrate that the concept is solid. It is also symbolic of the modern deep societal distrust of children; we teach them how and what to think, we control their every behaviour (mostly in ways that are very unnatural considering the developmental stage of the child), and then their time outside of school is controlled by homework. To demonstrate my point about this issue consider Finland: In Finland, children have the highest in the world science scores at age 15 but please to note that more than ½ hour of homework per night is unusual, there are no honour societies, no college pressure (college is free), and school starts at 7 years old. The competition by homework and grades actually cause students to do less better than they are able; they do not attempt things in an effort not to fail.  In fact, not to put too fine a point on it homework actually has a detrimental effect on traditional kids socialization. Too much homework leads to lowered unsupervised play and extracurriculars.

Socialization:

Socialization is a function of family not government. Real world social skills are not facilitated by age/grade segregation. Spending all or most of the day inside with 24-30 age mates is unnatural, unhealthy and very limiting. Children benefit from interacting with role models of older people and being role models for younger people. The age segregation tends to rob children of their culture and humanity and promotes only the status quo. Security and self confidence are created when children (especially shy ones like Austin) are allowed to venture out at their own speed not forced simply because its time. Warm loving parents are more important than continued social contact when creating a child who functions well in society. The negative socialization of school leads to peer dependancy which leads to loss of self worth, loss of respect for parents and family and loss of optimism. Homeschooling avoids negatives like peer pressure and bullying. Children don’t develop those dysfunctional bully survival mechanisms common in traditional schools. Excessive peer orientation interfers with parent guided natural, gradual transition to a connected independance (the natural product of childhood dependancy if left to its normal conclusion).

Other Reasons:

Schools are naturally biased against boys due to their tendancy to have difficulties sitting still and paying attention to details. These problems arise because of a normal delayed maturity in boys. Schools do not put any importance on this detail and boys get left behind and even when they catch up maturity wise they have usually already given up on the system.

There is a scary dehumanizing aspect of school. Kids are isolated from society, forced into ridged schedules and subjects are taught all out of context making the matter seem meaningless.

The forced memorization of school cannot effect real understanding.

Grades, stars and external praise rob children of the internal motivation that child naturally possess when confronted with learning.

Schools are fundementally anti-intellectual, emphasize peer acceptance over moral values, and promotes all the most trival aspects of socialization.

Schools promote only the status quo, conformity , obedience to authority, passivity and antipathy to thought.

Education, true education is a self generated on-going process that never ends not a narrowly defined activity that takes place between ages  5 and 20 yrs.

Our current school system fails to take into account that our rapidly moving information based society needs people who can think innovatively instead of reguritate facts and figures.

Broadly based schools have no time for reflective/experimental activities and more teacher directed instruction which is not ideal for many learners.

Psychologically speaking children are not ready for formal schooling till age 8 or 9. Vision and all other senses cannot cope and they are unable to grasp cause and effect reasoning until age 10 or 11.

Schools are oriented to the prevailing societal perceptions of the world and man. They tend to define reality in one way when learning can be a process of discovering multiple realities and possible realities.

One study followed kids from kindergarten to grade twelve. Quizzed on their self concept; 80% of kindergarterners had a good self sense, by grade 5 it was only 20% and by grade 12 it was only 5%.

 

 

 “I am beginning to tire of the many articles, essays and responses I keep running across on what has become to be known as the "socialization question."

Homeschooling families, please listen carefully:  What people refer to as socialization is a non-issue!  It has become a buzz-word among the Official Homeschool Nay Sayers Society.  When someone asks you the question ("What about SOCIALIZATION!?"), I suggest you begin by asking them, "What do you mean by socialization?"   They will more than likely proceed with some variation on the following theme: "You know, having your kids spend time with other kids their age.  Hanging out with their friends, stuff like that."  At that point do not, under any circumstances respond with, "Oh my little Susie gets plenty of socialization!  She’s in 4-H and Awanas, and Sunday school and HomeSchool band and she volunteers at the nursing home etc.etc. etc. In fact she has so many opportunities for socialization that I hardly have time to teach her some days..YaDa YaDa YaDa." Why not? Because this is not what socialization really is!

Here is a more appropriate response: "Oh, I think the word you are looking for is socializing. Socialization is actually defined as the process by which the norms and standards of our society are passed from one generation to the next. I’ve never really thought that a complete strangers six-year old child would be a good source of information on the correct standards of behavior in our family and in society as a whole. As for socializing, I remember from my school days that it was something you weren’t supposed to be doing during class!"

We do not have to defend homeschooling based on false assumptions, false accusations, and false information. Please stop telling others about all the opportunities your kids have for "socialization" and start gently exposing them to the real issue here– a lot of what kids learn from other kids in social situations is simply living according to "The Law of the Jungle."  In our family, we have a higher set of laws to follow and I bet your family does too. Next time, don’t be afraid to say so!”

A freelance writer, Marsha serves as a homeschool resource for her local library and has written articles for "Home Education Magazine" and a column for "Home Educator’s Family Times."