Living Simply… Parenting by Instinct

I’ve been thinking about what it means to raise a daughter vs a son. I mean all my activism on the fronts of birth, pregnancy, breast feeding, and parenting takes on a whole new aspect. I realize changing societal views will affect my sons too but I’m not sure it’s necessarily valid but it feels like it would have a more intimate impact on my girl child. I’ve now had to consider the body issues and peer problems that boys seem to avoid or if not completely avoid they don’t have the long lasting effects that they have on girls. I realize she’s only a week old but the ramifications stagger me.

So I’ve been musing about my latest birth and I’ve concluded that except for a very few small details I had a close to undisturbed birth as is possible in the hospital culture. I was left alone for long periods at a stretch I ate showered and laboured as I wished with just my husband for company. I wasn’t bothered by even intermittant EFM or many vaginal exams at all. I really think that despite being the only one labouring at the time they just forgot about me. Until the final hour of my labour I largely escaped the hospital culture. I think my mostly satisfying and completely empowering birth is due to this oversight on the part of the hospital staff.

I am approaching 36 weeks of pregnancy and I’m beginning to get restless. I am longing for the end but I’m strangely dreading it too. It’s not the birth, I feel more prepared and confident for that then for anything I’ve ever done. This baby just seems to tell me that for him or her, an undisturbed birth is best. What I’m worried about is adding another small person to our life. Especially, our life without Nic around all the time. It was different with Xander as Austin is more low key and has never been demanding unlike my youngest who needs so much more from me. Xander is still nursing alot and I’m concerned about his reaction to sharing not only Mama but bobbies too. He is very jealous of both Austin and his daddy when I give them attention. I’m just less sure the closer we get to the end how this is all going to play out. I’m also anxious to finally hold my baby. I don’t endorse induction for logistical or comfort reasons but as much as I love being pregnant and all the attendant physical coolness of it; I can understand having a hard time waiting as it gets nearer my time. I wish the baby would come before the EDD for many reasons. I’m uncomfortable sure but more longing for that two week burst of insane energy I got immediately following my live births. And I mean immediately. With Austin, I had been sick in bed for a week prior to his birth, first with a UTI then with a bad reaction to the antibiotics to treat the UTI. But after I had so much energy I paced the hospital with my newborn, annoying nurses for three days till they finally set me free. With Xander, I flew out of the hospital in less than twelve hours; it would have been less than three but they made me stay after my doc induced hemorrage to make sure it was under control. I was outta there so fast the nursing desk didn’t know what happened and the lab tech who came for the baby blood tests was very confused. Anyway, dear reader its late and that’s the gist of my musings for tonight. Thanks for listening.

So despite lacking an absolute diagnosis mostly because mental health services are as sorely lacking here as our physical health services, I am of the belief that I am either bipolar II or at the very least cyclothymic. So now I am seeking some help but I don’t want to jump on the chemical band wagon just yet. I’ve researched 5-HTP, St. John’s Wort, and Omega 3s. 5-HTP has some sketchy anecdotes and the science is lacking. Also not recommended for pregnancy and nursing, both of which I’m doing. St. John’s Wort has the same side effects as chem anti-depressants which for bipolar could push into mania. I’m trying the Omega 3s in the form of fish oil capsules which according to both anecdotes and preliminary studies appears to work as well as lithium in some cases and to compliment the lithium in others. I’m hoping it will help stabilize my moods and if it works bonus because it will not adversely effect my fetus or my nursling. Cross your fingers for me dear reader.

So since I lost my pirated wi fi signal I know I’ve been real quiet … well, silent in fact. Well, I have now figured out how to log on using my mobile’s web browser. So I’m back. So quick update we’re well into the third trimester and still no second thoughts about firing my midwife. My instincts tell me this is right. All is well family wise except for a little loneliness for Nic. I’ll be more frequently online now and I just need to get my user names and passwords and I’ll start blogging on my other blogs too.