Living Simply… Parenting by Instinct

Everyone I know in town is asking me if we’re “going to start” home schooling Austin next year. Most of these conversations are very casual and way too brief to really get into the idea of unschooling and the concept of aiding vs “teaching” so I’m kinda at a loss as to how broach the idea that we’ve never begun we’ve always been home schooling and end up just mumbling “yeah.” How would any of you deal with this subject, dear readers? Most of these people are willing to be educated. Most didn’t even realize that the government doesn’t enforce a curiculumn and that you are allowed to home school past grade eight. Several home schooling families in our area have been told (by whom is never clear) that they can only keep their kids home until high school age. People are entitled to maintain their ignorance of the rules if they choose but I take issue with them spreading misinformation to others without proof. You are at least in Ontario, entitled to educate your children as you see fit. The onus is on the government education system or anyone who files a complaint to prove you derelict in your duty. The assumption is that you are providing a sufficient education and you can provide home instruction into the college years if you and your child wish to. So, rest easy, Ontario parents, and disregard any information to the contrary even if it comes from your local school. Most times the people misinforming others are not evil but simply ignorant. Go to the source, my friends, let the misinformation stop here.

I’m not impressed with our Ontario Early Years Centre. I’ve never really been too impressed. This is a very french community and they tend to cater to the french. I wouldn’t mind so much if they would at least offer bilingual activities (for the parents; we do have one english play group per week). I also find the mothers in this town very main stream and clique-y, not that its the OEYC fault but I do feel very isolated in a room full of women my age or so.

Anyway my beef today is not any of these issues. It revolves around my older son. Austin has decided that he will not do something just because he is ordered or because everyone else is doing it; I support this as neither is a good reason why he should do things. At our playgroup there is a mandatory activity called circle time, I’ve mentioned it before I believe. Anyway, in the last little bit of time, the group leader has been taking everyone out of the main play room for circle time so I’m left alone with my boys. Well today, they couldn’t leave as the other room is full of big tables and my son decided he will not conform once again. So he’s playing quietly in the corner with a few toys, behind a bookshelf so none of the other kids can see him, and we’re told to leave the room, sit in the corner with no toys or take part in the circle. These are our choices. Banishment, time out (as if he’s done something wrong) or forced to take part. I will never understand why a child playing very very quietly in the corner out of other kids sight is more disruptive to the group leader than my poor child having a ten minute breakdown after being forced to do something he does not want to do. 

The only real reason I attend these things is for him to have a change of location. Its tough to find cheap or free activities for a 2.5 year old in a small town in the middle of a -30 degree week. The library has no book suitable for him, there are no indoor malls to walk and run around, and outside would be okay but only for a few minutes as good small people boots are hard to come by. So we go to the OEYC for him to have fun. In my humble opinion it is not fun to either be banished or snubbed or have fits over being forced for no good reason to do things. 

I hate this mentality. For the first ten years we teach them to do what others do, fit in, obey authority. Then when they hit the teenage or preteen years we start with the "be yourself" don’t cave to peer pressure. I know from experience if you force a child to do arbitrary things for arbitrary reasons they will "get used to it" (which is what the group leader told me: "just keep bringing him, he’ll get used to it") they get used to not having a say, not having any power, being ordered around and they will lose themselves. So when that all important and difficult teen age period occurs they will not know themselves and they will make many many mistakes which could have been avoided if you hadn’t tried to change them to begin with.

 

Unschool Days: The Decision to Unschool

 This blog post brings up some very real very personal reasons that I feel unschooling best for Austin in particular. (Xander is too young yet to gauge his personality in this manner but I feel justified in postulating that he too will do best with unschooling.)

We attend a play group at the Ontario Early Years centre. It is designed for ages 0-6 yrs (after which it is assumed that they will attend school.) The daily program is a play group from 9:30 to 11:30 which follows a simple routine: free play then a 15-30 minute circle time (singing songs picked by a rolling dice all the kids take turns with and then a story read.) then usually a craft and then we proceed to the gym or the front play centre (a plastic playground like structure) all of which is inside.

This is a very long introduction to my main point which is quite simply this: my son doesn’t do well in structured activities. He prefers the free play, wishes to continue to play during the prescribed circle time and craft and hates the arbitary time limits ("Okay, now we’ll go to the gym"). Which is why we attend I want to provide him a few hours a week with the option of structured play (he rarely takes advantage but…) 

Okay, here’s the thing: in kindergarten and just school in general, he will be forced to abandon an activity whether or not he would like to and proceed to the next based on arbitrary time limits and this will drive him crazy and possibly force him to give up on learning in general. Like many kids he will succeed at homeschooling simply because if he would like to continue a topic or an activity for days he is free to do so. 

One of my favourite excepts from the above linked post:

"However, the winners and losers do have something in common. Neither will actually learn anything at Orange High School. The winners may memorize in order to regurgitate on a test, but their knowledge will be fragmented at best, and lacking in genuine understanding. Real learning cannot be forced upon a person. Real learning is the result of an urgent need to know. It is the result of passion. Passions cannot be dictated by curriculum. Passions arise through a natural exploration and engagement with the world, through freedom, choice, and responsibility.

Why are we so mistrustful of students? Why do we consider them entirely incapable of making real decisions? Why do we train them to defer to a higher authority in order to know what is valuable to learn?"

This is a report I wrote for some relatives and never gave. I just wrote it to organize my thoughts.

There are many reasons to homeschool. These include:

v  Better quality education

v  Positive role models who are consistant with family values and beliefs

v  Good interpersonal skills

v  Practical life based skills and learning

v  Specialization

v  Equality

v  Free thought

v  Emphasis on learning to think and how to learn not just be taught

v  Lack of assessment culture which is irrelevant after formal schooling

Why Not Formal/Traditional School?

Homework:

Homework is one major reason why traditional schooling is failing our children. Homew ork is a useless concept: too much has been shown to lower acedemic performance and repetition only works if the concept is already solid and even then only 5 repetition is necessary to demonstrate that the concept is solid. It is also symbolic of the modern deep societal distrust of children; we teach them how and what to think, we control their every behaviour (mostly in ways that are very unnatural considering the developmental stage of the child), and then their time outside of school is controlled by homework. To demonstrate my point about this issue consider Finland: In Finland, children have the highest in the world science scores at age 15 but please to note that more than ½ hour of homework per night is unusual, there are no honour societies, no college pressure (college is free), and school starts at 7 years old. The competition by homework and grades actually cause students to do less better than they are able; they do not attempt things in an effort not to fail.  In fact, not to put too fine a point on it homework actually has a detrimental effect on traditional kids socialization. Too much homework leads to lowered unsupervised play and extracurriculars.

Socialization:

Socialization is a function of family not government. Real world social skills are not facilitated by age/grade segregation. Spending all or most of the day inside with 24-30 age mates is unnatural, unhealthy and very limiting. Children benefit from interacting with role models of older people and being role models for younger people. The age segregation tends to rob children of their culture and humanity and promotes only the status quo. Security and self confidence are created when children (especially shy ones like Austin) are allowed to venture out at their own speed not forced simply because its time. Warm loving parents are more important than continued social contact when creating a child who functions well in society. The negative socialization of school leads to peer dependancy which leads to loss of self worth, loss of respect for parents and family and loss of optimism. Homeschooling avoids negatives like peer pressure and bullying. Children don’t develop those dysfunctional bully survival mechanisms common in traditional schools. Excessive peer orientation interfers with parent guided natural, gradual transition to a connected independance (the natural product of childhood dependancy if left to its normal conclusion).

Other Reasons:

Schools are naturally biased against boys due to their tendancy to have difficulties sitting still and paying attention to details. These problems arise because of a normal delayed maturity in boys. Schools do not put any importance on this detail and boys get left behind and even when they catch up maturity wise they have usually already given up on the system.

There is a scary dehumanizing aspect of school. Kids are isolated from society, forced into ridged schedules and subjects are taught all out of context making the matter seem meaningless.

The forced memorization of school cannot effect real understanding.

Grades, stars and external praise rob children of the internal motivation that child naturally possess when confronted with learning.

Schools are fundementally anti-intellectual, emphasize peer acceptance over moral values, and promotes all the most trival aspects of socialization.

Schools promote only the status quo, conformity , obedience to authority, passivity and antipathy to thought.

Education, true education is a self generated on-going process that never ends not a narrowly defined activity that takes place between ages  5 and 20 yrs.

Our current school system fails to take into account that our rapidly moving information based society needs people who can think innovatively instead of reguritate facts and figures.

Broadly based schools have no time for reflective/experimental activities and more teacher directed instruction which is not ideal for many learners.

Psychologically speaking children are not ready for formal schooling till age 8 or 9. Vision and all other senses cannot cope and they are unable to grasp cause and effect reasoning until age 10 or 11.

Schools are oriented to the prevailing societal perceptions of the world and man. They tend to define reality in one way when learning can be a process of discovering multiple realities and possible realities.

One study followed kids from kindergarten to grade twelve. Quizzed on their self concept; 80% of kindergarterners had a good self sense, by grade 5 it was only 20% and by grade 12 it was only 5%.

 

 

 “I am beginning to tire of the many articles, essays and responses I keep running across on what has become to be known as the "socialization question."

Homeschooling families, please listen carefully:  What people refer to as socialization is a non-issue!  It has become a buzz-word among the Official Homeschool Nay Sayers Society.  When someone asks you the question ("What about SOCIALIZATION!?"), I suggest you begin by asking them, "What do you mean by socialization?"   They will more than likely proceed with some variation on the following theme: "You know, having your kids spend time with other kids their age.  Hanging out with their friends, stuff like that."  At that point do not, under any circumstances respond with, "Oh my little Susie gets plenty of socialization!  She’s in 4-H and Awanas, and Sunday school and HomeSchool band and she volunteers at the nursing home etc.etc. etc. In fact she has so many opportunities for socialization that I hardly have time to teach her some days..YaDa YaDa YaDa." Why not? Because this is not what socialization really is!

Here is a more appropriate response: "Oh, I think the word you are looking for is socializing. Socialization is actually defined as the process by which the norms and standards of our society are passed from one generation to the next. I’ve never really thought that a complete strangers six-year old child would be a good source of information on the correct standards of behavior in our family and in society as a whole. As for socializing, I remember from my school days that it was something you weren’t supposed to be doing during class!"

We do not have to defend homeschooling based on false assumptions, false accusations, and false information. Please stop telling others about all the opportunities your kids have for "socialization" and start gently exposing them to the real issue here– a lot of what kids learn from other kids in social situations is simply living according to "The Law of the Jungle."  In our family, we have a higher set of laws to follow and I bet your family does too. Next time, don’t be afraid to say so!”

A freelance writer, Marsha serves as a homeschool resource for her local library and has written articles for "Home Education Magazine" and a column for "Home Educator’s Family Times."